What Does Being Unstuck Look Like?

The Unstuck Process has a byline that's a pretty big promise: "12 Powerful Questions That Create Breakthrough Results"

And in my experience, that is very true. But the process can take you far beyond breakthrough results. It can bring you peace, joy, and fulfillment. More accurately, it can reveal the peace, joy and fulfillment that is already within you.

Everyone wants success in one form or the other, whether that's making more money, athletic achievements, or artistic mastery. And most of us spend our lives pursuing things that will give us that success and the rewards that come with it. 

But did you ever notice that it never seems to be quite enough? We want more success, more rewards, more recognition. After awhile, it can feel like a dog chasing its tail. No matter how fast it goes, it never quite gets there. 

But what are we really pursing? We are pursuing happiness, peace, joy and fulfillment. 

And our culture has convinced us that the path to those is by chasing external things. Even if our purpose is noble and our aims are altruistic, we are still chasing some thing, some object, some symbol of success. 

"When I make $1,000,000 per year, I'll be happy."

"When I win a gold medal at the Olympics, I'll be happy."

"When I perform at Carnegie Hall, I'll be happy." 

"When we stop global warming, I'll be happy."

We might see those as the pinnacles of achievement. But what happens when we achieve our long-sought goals and dreams? Then what? Will we be happy ever after? I wouldn't bet on it! There is always something else. But someday…

So how does the Unstuck Process fit into all of this?

First we identify, the stuckness, what we're feeling and how we're behaving. Then we locate a belief and start to question it. Is it true, is it working for us? What is the cost and payoff of holding onto that belief?

What we discover in the unstuck process is that limiting, fearful beliefs do not define us. They are not who we are. We made them up and they no longer serve us. With that insight, these beliefs tend to let go of us. They often drop away effortlessly. 

Start noticing what it feels like when that happens. You may feel lighter, more hopeful, and enthusiastic. It doesn't feel forced; it feels natural. It feels like we want to to feel when things are going our way. 

But also notice that your circumstances haven't changed yet.

You are still faced with writing that article, following up with that client, going to the previously dreaded networking meeting (or whatever thing you were resisting or avoiding). 

But now, none of those things seem so onerous anymore.

Without the belief telling you that doing that thing is hard, unpleasant or impossible, you see that activity completely differently. You might see it as fun or challenging or even exciting. 

And notice that you didn't have to "psyche yourself up" to feel that way. You just uncovered some limiting, fearful beliefs, and those old attitudes just dropped away and were effortlessly replaced with expansive attitudes and new possibilities. 

This is not an insignificant thing. This is a big deal. This is a game changer. 

OK, back to our pursuit of happiness. 

Here's the problem with pursuing happiness: Who you are is happiness. You are peace, joy and fulfillment. All of those are attributes of your essential nature. You were born with these. It doesn't make any sense that you would have to chase them. In fact, chasing what you already have just leads to frustration and suffering. 

Since happiness, peace, joy and fulfillment are natural, expansive and ever-present attributes of our being, how could we possibly find them by chasing external success, rewards and recognition? It doesn't add up. How can something that is permanent find fulfillment through something that is impermanent?

So we've got it backwards. Instead of chasing success to find happiness and fulfillment, why not chase the beliefs that are veiling happiness, until they start to drop away, and then peacefully and joyfully do the things that are an expression of that happiness.

The chase, the search is over. 

And that might look like growing a successful business, winning an Olympic medal, performing at Carnegie Hall and ending global warming. But now you'll be doing them without being driven, and without the resistance or suffering. 

This is what being unstuck looks like. 

You don't have the brakes on anymore. You are not constantly judging how things should be. You are not frustrated because you're not where you want to be yet. You are not trying to get somewhere to experience happiness. 

Instead, you're peaceful, joyful and fulfilled in the moment. 

And you won't get there by struggle and effort. You'll get there by questioning your assumptions, your beliefs, your fears. It's a process of discovery and letting go, not one of acquiring something that will make you happy someday.  

So, it all comes back to the question: Where are you stuck? And keep asking this and the other 11 questions until stuckness doesn't even make sense anymore. What will make sense is how happy you'll feel.